The Yoga Studio: My second hOMe (you had to have seen that coming).
For years, I practiced yoga without ever really connecting to it, nor accessing the spiritual benefits. For years, it was just what I viewed as an hour of stretching on my off days from running. So, when my intuition was like "Yo, do yoga teacher training," I was quite unsure. I couldn't deny where my gut was leading me, though, so I signed up for yoga teacher training, and in-turn fell in love with the practice on a far deeper level. I understood how our emotions reside in our muscles and in our bodies. I loved how my breath could free up space in tight places. I loved how my mind would feel silent after a long sweaty class but my Soul was on fire. So, when I first got up to teach my first few classes (in real life not training) and was struck with anxiety and MAJOR resistance, I was confused to say the least.
There I was, having been clearly steered to yoga teaching by Source, officially a certified and Registered Yoga Teacher, but not even remotely excited to teach. Itt was only my first few weeks of teaching class, though, so I found my "teaching voice" and kept pushing through the resistance, assuming it was fear and that I would get over it.
Well, 6 months go by and I still felt meh about teaching. I would do whatever it took to make it to take the 6PM Heated class, but when I had to teach, my feelings were lackluster to say the least. Still, though, I figured it was fear and I brushed it off.
During this time, I began to fall in love with my Life Coaching and speaking to people about what I was learning, and-long story short- before I knew it I had my first workshop to host. A workshop with 30 people where I would be discussing everything from the Law of Attraction, to Quantum Physics, to the (very much simplified) workings of the brain. Was I nervous like I was before teaching yoga? No. Was this seemingly far harder- literally talking about the smallest mechanics of the Universe to strangers- than teaching something I knew in my bones? Yes, which gave me clarity: If I am able to be one with fear for things I love, such as my first workshop, why can't I do that with teaching? Hmmmm...
Fast forward to last week, when I am practicing to teach my biggest yoga class/event ever of around 60 people. It has been just under a year since I started teaching, yet I still don't really feel...right... as I am getting ready to teach. Did I go out and teach the class and have fun? Sure. Did I roll with my mic going out and me having to shout and there being no DJ as promised? Sure. Did I want to cry after? YES. Why? I don't know. Maybe it is because I don't practice yoga as much as I once did and don't feel like I know it as well anymore (doubtful- I will never forget the 200 hour training). Maybe it is because I need more time practice teaching (doubtful- I have taught plenty). Maybe it is because I am not great at it (not to toot my own horn but doubtful- I get great feedback and ratings lol). Or maybe...just maybe... it is because I am not doing what I want to be doing.
Maybe I am not getting excited to teach and having resistance to it because it is not for me. Maybe I have resistance because it is not what I am meant to be doing. Maybe I have resistance because I love to practice yoga but not teach it. I don't know for sure the answer, but I do know this: I know for sure I was meant to do yoga teacher training. I know for sure I am a great yoga teacher. I know for sure I don't ever get very excited to teach. I know for sure I gave it almost a full year of teaching. And I know for sure that right now, this isn't for me.
So why do I share this? I share this because it would be tempting to continue to teach and make money and get exposure as a yoga teacher. It would be easy, actually, especially because of my Instagram. But that is not what Source is flowing for me right now. I went through teacher training as I was meant to, but I am clearly not into teaching right now, so I am not going to lower my vibration to force this, just as I stopped a job I loved that sadly was also lowering my vibration.
I share this because I want to tell you that just because you're qualified and good at something doesn't mean its what you have to do forever...or at all, really. What you should be doing is what lights up your Soul. What you should be doing is having fun and flowing enthusiasm, because that is where: the money, the magic, the love, and the answers are. That is where growth is.
Namaste (yes I can still say that, thank you!),